It’s been a while

Hi any friends that may read.   I apologize for deserting you.  I discovered Facebook.  Nobody expects anything deep.  I speak in one sentence thoughts.   If that.  It’s simple.

But I miss here.

It’s been a tad emotional around here.  I’m tired of being hormonal.  I’m tired of being tired.  I miss my optimistic self.  I miss the old me.  The new me is sad and grumpy and tired and pessimistic, always scrambling to rise above life, desperately reaching out to Jesus.  The reaching out to Jesus is great.  But I’d like to spend more time enjoying and less time feeling desperate.

I started a new book.  Parenting is Your Highest Calling… and 8 other myths that trap us in worry and guilt.  I have high hopes that this book, coupled with a few moments set aside for me to have a break and have time to think and listen and recharge, things will be improving on the ‘joy’ front.

On the church front.  MJ feels we are released to begin the 24 hour prayer room.  I am so excited!!  Our goal is to start the 3rd week of May I think ( the week leading up to Pentecost Sunday)  We are hoping… hey, I’m planning! – but of course – only with God’s miracle working! – that we will be in the ‘permanent’ space.  That will take our tiny church of about 30 – 40 people doubling their tithe consistently in order to pay rent and utilities and supplies for the prayer room.  It gives me goosebumps!!

Meditations during Holy Week – Thursday

Using Pray As You Go and praying The Divine Hours

TUESDAY

from the morning hours:

Psalm 81:8-10   If you would but listen to me!!  Open your mouth and I will fill it!!! – why on earth would I get so lazy and keep my mouth closed…  Fill it Jesus… It is open, fill me up with You, the things of Your Spirit, the divine Joy and Rest of You and who You are.

Psalm 86:11 “Teach me Your way oh Lord and I will walk in Your truth; knit my heart to You that I will fear Your name”

Psalm 71:15 “My mouth shall recount your mighty acts and saving deeds all day long, though I cannot know the number of them”

Pray-As-You-Go

“Wherever love is true… God is there…”

God Present... in Bryan quietly getting ready, not expecting me to give up precious sleep to see him off… Touching my side in the middle of the night when I crawl back into bed after getting up with Talia… Shand sitting in my lap sharing her paper cutting with me.   Sweet child… wondering at the world

LISTENING to Jesus… IMAGINING I was there…

My Thoughts: Embarrassed and feeling awkward as Jesus makes His way around to my feet.  I’m humbled and broken as I see the contents of my non-servant heart.  Tears well… I have a strong desire to be like this amazing man in front of me, kneeling at MY feet!

Speaking to Jesus now: Thank you for showing me Your heart.  Please make my heart like Yours.  Give me a desire, remind me!, that I want to serve as You serve…

Holy Week Meditations…

Using Pray As You Go and praying The Divine Hours

MONDAY

Scripture: Matthew 26:6-12

My reaction to Mary pouring out costly perfume and Judas’ reaction:  Embarrassed for her, wishing I could be so extravagant.

My reaction to Jesus words “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. ¹²When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial.” I feel a bit of panic and denial that what he said might really be true… if I ignore it…

These reactions surprised me.  I thought I was ‘bigger’ than that.  It’s good to have your heart revealed with all it’s doubts and hesitancy…

How might I pour out on Jesus today?  Extravagantly blessing my children with blessings they ‘waste’… it’s so small.  So tiny.  Seems so insignificant… But what I do for the least… the little ones that have not much say… I do for Him.  My Savior.  My Groom.

The Divine Hours morning:

Let my mouth be full of Your praise* and Your glory, the essence of who You are… all the day long. Psalm 71:8

Show me Your ways, O LORD,* and teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth.  Psalm 25:3

FOR TODAY

Outside my window…

dripping of melting snow… lovely

I am feeling…

restless… wanting the next stage (moving) the next season (SPRING) a new schedule (… but what will work?) Knowing I must live and enjoy the NOW… He is my PRESENT help… now.

I am thinking . . .

how I miss my husband and sons.  We all belong together.

I am thankful that…

I still have my little girls to keep me company

From the learning rooms…

books everywhere.  The world map is falling off the wall from getting touched so much. GREAT STUFF!

From the kitchen…

NOTHING except some dishes that need to be finished and soaking pinto beans.  Its nice not having so many to cook for.  For dinner I had the two left over pieces of pizza from lunch that my sister-in-law and MIL brought.

I am wearing…

slippers, jeans, old t-shirt and fleece hoodie.

I am creating…

nothing.  I’d really like to start being able to pout something in this spot… really!

I am going…

nowhere.  Home all weekend.  Bryan accidentally took the keys with him camping. Its nice KNOWING I can’t go anywhere.

I am reading…

Leadership Education and Thomas Jefferson Education – that’s where most of my thoughts and brain power are going lately.

I am hoping…

for a less interrupted sleep tonight.

I am hearing…

only the hum electric stuff in our house.  The silence is lovely.

Around the house…

dark and quiet, semi picked up, most of the laundry caught up, and warm enough that the windows were open a couple hours today.

One of my favorite things…

quiet…

A few plans for the rest of the week:

implementing more of the Thomas Jefferson Education principles.  Drinking  more water.  Less researching and finding inspiration on the computer and more implementing what I know so far.  More quiet time to evaluate and pray, etc.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing…

Continue reading

Our children and the Spirit

My friend and cousin-in-law Cate posted this on her blog… so incredible true…

A Daniel Generation

We are reading the book “Here Comes Heaven”  with our children.  (Thanks javamamma and Cate for the recommend.)  We are only a couple chapters in, as we are reading it as part of our family meeting while Talia is sleeping and distractions are at a minimum.  All of us are doing the exercises at the end of each chapter.

We got a little dose of the spiritual eyes of children a few weeks back when Shand, our almost-3 yr old became suddenly  terrified of her room.  We prayed and she still wanted nothing to do with her room.  It wasn’t the dark.  it wasn’t just bed time.  So we moved her bed into the boys room until we could figure out how to move past this.

It hadn’t occurred to me to tell her to look for her angels.  It says in Scripture that our children have angels with them that see the face of God.  So we went into the room with her the next night, and prayed again and told her about the angels with her all the time, and Jesus would never leave her, and we asked her if she could see the angels.  And she could! 🙂  Soon after that she was fine.

Later that day, out in the kitchen she suddenly turns to me and says,”Mama, where’s my angel friends?” 🙂

Its been an education for us and beautiful to see our girl experience God and his protection.

Anyway, all that to say… I want our children to know of God and KNOW HIM experientially.  It must be more real than the Babylon we live in.

A Simple Woman’s Daybook

Outside:  Overcast and Foggy, AND snow coming down. again. As it has the last entire week, and stinkin’ cold.

In the Kitchen: Handwashing from the last two days… those big soup pots from the last two days – Mulligatawny Soup and Winter Veggie Chili.  What a mess!

In the learning department: Reading a book on Helen Keller, playing w/ an ear model, making secret codes with their spy kit, chores and routines

Reading with the Kids: Complete Adventure of Peter Rabbit, The Jungle Book, The Year of Miss Agnes

And I’m Reading: Double Take, Leadership Education, A Thomas Jefferson Education, Fresh Encounters, Created to Be His Hellpmeet… that ‘s a lot of books at one time…

Preparing for Lent: Reading of The Exodus with the Kids, Read Isaiah 40 to the end on my own

Picture Thought: Here are pics of Shand dressing… jammy pants inside out, one sock, purple scarf and the boy’s sunglasses…Dancing to Keenan’s Christmas music, wearing the apron mom made her, underwear and Christmas socks.

Dress-up dress, A Rachel’s cast off purse (I think it was hers?) socks and her fancy heels (Thanks A Rachel!)

Talia’s tights, Grandma’s hand-knit hat from her infancy, beads and a foam sword…

Is it she lovely?  This girl is full of surprises and frustrations and laughs and tantrums… She is so much fun and I pay for it when I ignore her and get too distracted!! 🙂  Next time… some pics of Talia.

Family Meetings

It took us forever to find sunday morning to be the best time far a family meeting… why did it take us so long?  After breakfast, we discuss stuff and then play games or something.  Today’s ended with the chicken dance… shouldn’t every family meeting end in the chicken dance?

A few new things we are doing… the bean counter… family excursion when the pretty bottle is full of the glass beads being transferred in for ‘good deeds’ – this being a very loose term.  We can put beans in for whatever we feel like… some silly things even.  The kids are very excited about it, as you can imagine.  Especially since our first family excursion will be to the new Star Wars exhibit at the Museum.

Mornings.  I just MUST  be up unless I have a very VERY good excuse!!  which happens often enough to get me into a bad habit, but it just wreaks havoc with our day.  And Keenan had a brilliant (and I mean brilliant!) idea to give me breakfast in bed 🙂 so, I guess we won’t start that tomorrow.

If you do not have your own family meetings, whoever you might be reading this, you really should!!  It is so bonding and unifying, and is a great place to bring grievances, etc.

Recently, God has been so gracious and abundant in giving Bryan and I wisdom in our parenting, opening our eyes to view our children as he sees them.  Its good…  very very good.

compliment of the month from Keenan: after  a discussion on why he is too young, and who he can or can’t marry, etc.

Mom:  Why do you want to get married so badly, Keenan?

Keenan: Well, you and dad are married and it just looks so… joyous!

A New Direction

or something like that.  Our lives.  Our home school.  Our parenting.  It’s bending in a new direction, though we are unsure exactly where that is going.

Our lives… trying to sell the house.  SO looking forward to less space and less stuff.  Moving to Australia in September or October.  Becoming more ‘green’ – more natural, more local, more organic, less pre-prepared food, less medicine.  Talking about Australia in using the trains system and buying bikes for everyone.  Finding all the local places for raw milk, meat, eggs, honey, veggies and fruit… self sustaining… though that is so far off its hardly a dream 🙂

Our home school… less school.  more life.  practical.  including them in our lives in the kitchen in the workshop (which we don’t have, but you get the idea).  more thinking.  more opportunities.  less planning. less tv and screen time.  less superheroes (is that possible – i think that is only my goal :)) more learning in context and interest led.

Our parenting… more positive. less punitive. more imaginative. less power struggle. more listening. less talking. more respect and honor all round. beginning with us.  more lead by example.  more family worship and family study and family learning.  Family meetings.  more follow through and consistency. more joy.

Its been happening a long time.  But now it feels like it is the both of us adults, not just me blabbing away and Bryan saying, sure, sounds great!

The next question we are dealing with.  Will I get dreads or not?  I have wanted them for a long time.  Bryan thinks its great.  We’ll see.

New Year. New Word.

I got this idea last year from Ali Edwards. One word.  A word that sums up the focus of this coming year.  Goals and visions or self, family, projects. Last year’s word… I chose…

2009 – Peace

Or let your word choose you, which seems to be what has happened for me this year…

2010 – Joy

Well, I’ve discovered I am no longer an optimist… its buried under self-hatred and fear.  So today begins the year of JOY!  Which will be kicked off with a word study to see what Heavenly Father has to say about JOY in my life.

• I recently read “The Joyful Intercessor” by Beni Johnson.  Wonderful book.

• I’ve begun my Endless Gifts List… gratitude being a sure way to experience more of His joy…

• I will choose to smile more every day, whether I feel too tired or not!!

• I will laugh and joke and play with my children, as would have been my nature a few years ago.

And maybe I’ll blog about it… 🙂  No promises.

Snow Day – and more graces…

Finally.  The first snow of the season has arrived.  The sky cleared off this morning and left behind a beautiful blue sky, brilliant, crisp and powdery snow.  Right now the sky is a dusky pink and yellow with tinges of orange, and light blue on top.  Its a beautiful time of year to be able to watch sunrise and sunset with no effort 🙂

Since it is the first snow of the year, to day is a snow day for us.  We caught plenty of snow last night to make snow ice cream after lunch.  They had two hours of outside play, and shoveling the driveway.  And of course, no school means I can get caught up on the laundry that didn’t get done over the weekend.  I love that homeschooling gives us this flexibility, to celebrate the change of seasons at the time of the change!

From my very VERY slowly growing gratitude list…

96. Fresh Snow Ice cream

98. Sky turning colors at 3:30

104. scissors in 2 yr old’s hand, cutting her pacifier…. pacifier in garbage… someone had to end her love affair with it at some point, and it is good that it was her. Although, the last two days have been rather fitful with sleeping and napping.

Shand is quite the pill at the moment.  all tears and whining and independence.

But I’m thankful anyway… because I can see a pattern… rough week, beautiful weeks following… she’s growing and maturing, is loving and sweet with Talia, has a great sense of humor and knows how to sweet talk and charm (even if it ends in tears when she doesn’t get her way), and blessed me last night when she danced her way through praising Jesus during our worship gathering.