More healing… of a more dramatic nature

Don’t you love how God doesn’t leave us how we are and moves in us and cleans us and heals us.  step by step.  slowly and subtly sometimes.  dramatically at others.

A couple months ago I got an opportunity to go to the first teaching night of a 24/7  BURN.  It was amazing.  I came hungry to lose myself and embrace Jesus in that evening.  Words were spoken over me.  The Holy Spirit was upon me and moving in me and bubbling out of me.  It was lovely.  glorious.

At one point the leader had us pray for our neighbor that God would fill us with His love.  As my friend came to pray for me, she said that though it sounded strange God wanted her to pull something out of my mouth.  So I opened up… still full of absolute joy.  As soon as she began the motion of pulling, hand over hand, something out of me, I began sobbing and had to fight the urge to spit on the church’s carpet… It didn’t take too long.  Then she said now open and lets pour God’s love into you.

What amazing love and cleansing did He bring!!  WOW… what a difference it has been.  The power of anger has been BROKEN over me.  There are still habits to change, and some days are hard.  I am a mother of four and pregnant in the 1st trimester and we are moving and in much transition… it is LIFE after all!  I have much still to mature and change and grow in… but it seems POSSIBLE now, because the stronghold is gone.  The demonic presence has fled.  And in its place, the love of God is growing.

Had I heard someone share this to me a few years ago I wouldn’t have known what to think… how is that possible for a believer.  Was I possessed?  no.  I was not possessed.  But there were was an area in my life, because of sin… fear, I believe, in this case that gave the enemy permission to stay and ‘latch on’.  I can’t explain it really well, but it happened.

All glory and honor to God, who is the victor over the enemy, who will reveal the root of sin in our lives if we ask and are willing to make the journey to His healing!!


why I am glad my kids talk back

Really!

When I bark instructions and Keenan begins stomping down the hall sighing, and I stop him and ask what’s up.  And he says, ” every time you ask me to do something you say it so mean and it just makes me not want to do it!”

Oh.

Feeling small.  In an appropriate and good way.

I am glad that even with too much yelling and tones of voice that are  barky and mean and not conversationally inviting, they are still willing to put themselves out there and say how they feel.  And I am thankful that we are all… dad included… working on our tone.  On NO sarcasm.  Even the slight subtle kind. And sounding friendly if firm. On speaking gently.  On giving instructions clearly and precisely.

It definitely makes for a happier home.  One where the talk-backs become fun and induce giggles and smiles and hugs.


A Spiritual Cry

That is an understatement, actually.  The last couple months life has been getting progressively harder.  More emotional and deeper down days and more sporadic anger (that sounds mild to the reality) and less hope.  Lies in my mind overcoming the truth that I was trying to whisper  back to it.  Knowing I needed more time to myself to think and renew.  (I think when you get to the stage that you get butterflies in your tummy and feel mildly tipsy and giddy when you get to leave the house with no littlies – maybe its a sign…).

Then a close friend had her baby prematurely, and her experience started mirroring ours… and I cried off and on for the next three days.

THEN I started talking to Bryan one night.  and crying.  and sobbing.  and wailing.  and travailing.  It was not of this world… it was like I was birthing something bad out of me.  Almost like I wasn’t part of the whole experience.

And since then… over a week now… life is great!  The hope is back.   The joy is back.  My sanity is back!!!

For God has not given us a spirit of FEAR… but of power, of love and of a sound mind!!!

Thank you Jesus!!


It’s been a while

Hi any friends that may read.   I apologize for deserting you.  I discovered Facebook.  Nobody expects anything deep.  I speak in one sentence thoughts.   If that.  It’s simple.

But I miss here.

It’s been a tad emotional around here.  I’m tired of being hormonal.  I’m tired of being tired.  I miss my optimistic self.  I miss the old me.  The new me is sad and grumpy and tired and pessimistic, always scrambling to rise above life, desperately reaching out to Jesus.  The reaching out to Jesus is great.  But I’d like to spend more time enjoying and less time feeling desperate.

I started a new book.  Parenting is Your Highest Calling… and 8 other myths that trap us in worry and guilt.  I have high hopes that this book, coupled with a few moments set aside for me to have a break and have time to think and listen and recharge, things will be improving on the ‘joy’ front.

On the church front.  MJ feels we are released to begin the 24 hour prayer room.  I am so excited!!  Our goal is to start the 3rd week of May I think ( the week leading up to Pentecost Sunday)  We are hoping… hey, I’m planning! – but of course – only with God’s miracle working! – that we will be in the ‘permanent’ space.  That will take our tiny church of about 30 – 40 people doubling their tithe consistently in order to pay rent and utilities and supplies for the prayer room.  It gives me goosebumps!!


Meditations during Holy Week – Thursday

Using Pray As You Go and praying The Divine Hours

TUESDAY

from the morning hours:

Psalm 81:8-10   If you would but listen to me!!  Open your mouth and I will fill it!!! – why on earth would I get so lazy and keep my mouth closed…  Fill it Jesus… It is open, fill me up with You, the things of Your Spirit, the divine Joy and Rest of You and who You are.

Psalm 86:11 “Teach me Your way oh Lord and I will walk in Your truth; knit my heart to You that I will fear Your name”

Psalm 71:15 “My mouth shall recount your mighty acts and saving deeds all day long, though I cannot know the number of them”

Pray-As-You-Go

“Wherever love is true… God is there…”

God Present... in Bryan quietly getting ready, not expecting me to give up precious sleep to see him off… Touching my side in the middle of the night when I crawl back into bed after getting up with Talia… Shand sitting in my lap sharing her paper cutting with me.   Sweet child… wondering at the world

LISTENING to Jesus… IMAGINING I was there…

My Thoughts: Embarrassed and feeling awkward as Jesus makes His way around to my feet.  I’m humbled and broken as I see the contents of my non-servant heart.  Tears well… I have a strong desire to be like this amazing man in front of me, kneeling at MY feet!

Speaking to Jesus now: Thank you for showing me Your heart.  Please make my heart like Yours.  Give me a desire, remind me!, that I want to serve as You serve…


Holy Week Meditations…

Using Pray As You Go and praying The Divine Hours

MONDAY

Scripture: Matthew 26:6-12

My reaction to Mary pouring out costly perfume and Judas’ reaction:  Embarrassed for her, wishing I could be so extravagant.

My reaction to Jesus words “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. 12When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial.” I feel a bit of panic and denial that what he said might really be true… if I ignore it…

These reactions surprised me.  I thought I was ‘bigger’ than that.  It’s good to have your heart revealed with all it’s doubts and hesitancy…

How might I pour out on Jesus today?  Extravagantly blessing my children with blessings they ‘waste’… it’s so small.  So tiny.  Seems so insignificant… But what I do for the least… the little ones that have not much say… I do for Him.  My Savior.  My Groom.

The Divine Hours morning:

Let my mouth be full of Your praise* and Your glory, the essence of who You are… all the day long. Psalm 71:8

Show me Your ways, O LORD,* and teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth.  Psalm 25:3


FOR TODAY

Outside my window…

dripping of melting snow… lovely

I am feeling…

restless… wanting the next stage (moving) the next season (SPRING) a new schedule (… but what will work?) Knowing I must live and enjoy the NOW… He is my PRESENT help… now.

I am thinking . . .

how I miss my husband and sons.  We all belong together.

I am thankful that…

I still have my little girls to keep me company

From the learning rooms…

books everywhere.  The world map is falling off the wall from getting touched so much. GREAT STUFF!

From the kitchen…

NOTHING except some dishes that need to be finished and soaking pinto beans.  Its nice not having so many to cook for.  For dinner I had the two left over pieces of pizza from lunch that my sister-in-law and MIL brought.

I am wearing…

slippers, jeans, old t-shirt and fleece hoodie.

I am creating…

nothing.  I’d really like to start being able to pout something in this spot… really!

I am going…

nowhere.  Home all weekend.  Bryan accidentally took the keys with him camping. Its nice KNOWING I can’t go anywhere.

I am reading…

Leadership Education and Thomas Jefferson Education – that’s where most of my thoughts and brain power are going lately.

I am hoping…

for a less interrupted sleep tonight.

I am hearing…

only the hum electric stuff in our house.  The silence is lovely.

Around the house…

dark and quiet, semi picked up, most of the laundry caught up, and warm enough that the windows were open a couple hours today.

One of my favorite things…

quiet…

A few plans for the rest of the week:

implementing more of the Thomas Jefferson Education principles.  Drinking  more water.  Less researching and finding inspiration on the computer and more implementing what I know so far.  More quiet time to evaluate and pray, etc.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing…


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