Time Management 1

“The hassle with being a better manager of your time is making the decisions about what is now most important and what is no longer as important.  But if you will ask God what He’d remove if it were His life, He would gladly tell you.” Bob & Michael Benson,  Disciplines for the Inner Life

The question then is… am I ready to ask and LISTEN to the answer?

The birthdays…

not much inspiring here… just some information for my ‘journaling’ purposes, if you can call it that! We’ve had a string of good days with Shand (if you can call three a string ) I think we are FINALLY settling in. The day before bryan went back to work I was FREAKING out.  turns out, every day has been great. Tiring, even exhausting, but great, nonetheless.  Turns out what really makes me stress is FEAR, not the actual circumstances of the day. THIS POST from Conversion Diary is changing my days.  Actually, God is changing my days, using this post that pinpointed the root of my sin.

Anyway, I’m not feeling terribly inspired, beyond getting through the day with relatively healthy meals, and carrying out life with joy and intentionally loving and touching my children.  And enjoying our unseasonably warm spring.  Its bliss, really!!  Green and SUNNY!  Already more sunshine than there was ALL of last summer!!

Here’s a few pics…

This is a regular pose for Shand… kissing, leaning over to touch the baby’s head with hers, stuffing the pacifier in her mouth and talking REALLY close to her face.

Three weeks… growing and getting fat!

Thad’s birthday… we’ve never done the park thing before… its never been this nice and warm and sunny and DRY in May.  the grass was still too wet for them to run in, but the playground was dry.  Bryan was my hero.  my HERO.  He went shopping the morning of to get the gift.  He made the cake, convincing Thad he wanted a dump truck cake (as in the dirt in the back of his toy truck) and not an excavator cake crafted and shaped and decorated by me. And then he made the cake.  and crushed the oreos.  I DID make the chocolate pudding though!  And made a second cake when I decided one wasn’t enough. (We are eating the second one this week.  One was MORE than enough!! )  All while I sat and cried and nursed and fought post partum depression and struggled through the pain of nursing and a bad back.  It was a beautiful day, and the kids had a blast at the park, and my boy is SIX!!

Shand… singing Happy Birthday (her new favorite song… it found its way into her prayer the other night! ) Bryan, again, speaking some sense into me and encouraging me to not go over the top for the birthday ideas!!  I made the cake with PEANUT oil… oops… it was a party for a 2 yr old, with little ones there, who are allergy prone… so I made ANOTHER cake… the frosting couldn’t have butter in it, which is fine, but it is VERy hard to frost with non-buttercream icing.  We were going to do a whole bunch of butterflies… but as each butterfly took about 15 minutes to frost and decorate, I shifted to cupcakes with a flower on top after we had enough for each of her friends.  (or the little girls of mommy’s friends!)

Hugging a new stuffed toy from our DEAR FRIENDS in INDIANA!!! we miss you!!  Every time I make wacky cake I think of Nolah!

Holding her baby doll in her new sling that my mom made her.  Along with the sweetest little apron!!

Then that afternoon, after more cooking, we trekked out Wasilla, leaving a messy kitchen and the house a wreck, to go celebrate Mother’s Day and have more Shand celebration with family.

We are doing little bits of school here and there, and playing lots of games, and gardening a TINY bit… a little tiny bit of gardening takes up a LOT of time it seems!!  Next week I start back leading worship.  I’m not ready.  But I won’t stress about it, because if you followed the link above, you’ll know, I am giving up fear, moment by moment… I can do all things He has asked of me.

no baby yet

each night I am SURE it is THE night!!  After all, Bryan and I are doing OUR part to help it happen!!  I just say I have a happy husband right now… sorry… TMI?

My back continues to ache and hurt, but after to chiro visits, I’m waiting until after the baby comes.  I’m obsessive over getting the dishes done and keeping the floor picked up.  The kids don’t know what’s up!!

The problem is, if the laundry is all caught up, then the baby doesn’t come, and then its not caught up again! and I dusted, and now it is dusty again… ??!?!?

This whole waiting game has given MANY opportunities for conversations about birthing with the kids.  Keenan has had far FAR too much time to come up with detailed questions… not settling for anything but detailed answers… sigh.

Thaddeus asked me this morning,” Mom do you wish you were a boy so you didn’t have to have pain?  Then you could just do Civil War and basketball and go hunting”.  Right.  I told him I’d MUCH rather have a baby than go to war, and I could do the other two things as well as have a baby!!

Here is my theme verse for the month… maybe the year… or the whole of my parenting life maybe?

James 1:20  “The anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

and

James 2: 12-13  “So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty.  For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy;  mercy triumphs over judgment.”

Come on contractions!!!   I’m READY!!  have a good rest of your week…

To Live Is Christ

Please watch this…

rescheduling… finding the balance

I find it quite absurd that I’m making new schedules and new curriculum for Thad and activity plans for Shand when come the April I’ll probably throw it all away after I die trying to do it.

Until then… oh yeah… the schedules and plans and routines are rocking in a laid-back, take-the-day-as-it-comes way.  Most days.

OK.  Some days.

Once again.  Finding the Balance.

I was singing to Jesus in the car my own little made up song.  It went something like this.

I’ve tried schedules and new shelves

I’ve tried internet and self help guides

I’ve tried chocolate and too much coffee

But only You can satisfy.

Only You are what I need.

THAT is why I don’t write songs!   But when you are singing to Him in the car, rhyming and rhythmic meter doesn’t matter.  The words work only in the context of my life.  I just thought it was rather humorous, so thought I’d share.

You TOO can write your own songs to Jesus!!

Leading worship, Prayer rooms, and …

Warning:  Ramble ahead…

I am supposed to be putting together a worship set for our gathering tomorrow evening… I’m so distracted and unmotivated.  I want to gather… and I want to worship… And I want to pray… but I’m so not interested in this planning part.

Planning is necessary, at least to some extent.  But I think I need a sabbatical.  No planning.  Just time to worship and dig in with no agenda other than getting with God.

So, maybe that is REALLY what my planning sessions should look like.  Worshiping.  Digging into the Word with God. Worshiping. Praying. Worshiping.  And out of that will come  some vague or not-so-vague outline of our music set.

That is pretty much what happens anyway, I just feel guilty about not planning like the worship-leader books, that I don’t read anyway, tell me to do.  I’m worn with planning.  What is the balance here?

How I pray that God will send someone to lead the worship at Souljourn… or rejuvenate my spirit…

so the title of this post: Prayer Rooms… this is where I want to be.  God has given ‘the boys’ clear direction on WHERE it should be… which narrows the search a lot.  Now we wait for the space and the resources and the partners to come alongside us so we can open this for Anchorage.

It cracks me up that our tiny church of 20 – 30 mostly college students or military (moving!) has been given a vision of a 24-7 prayer room.  So not practical and feasible.  So God.

The first Tuesday of every month in our house church is centered on prayer.  This last week was great.

I feel like God has been relatively silent in my life lately.  Could be I’m not hearing.  Could be there is a barrier.  Could be He is silent.  What I realized though, is that it’s fine… because just because He is silent, I will not stop seeking and pursuing.  So if there is a barrier or sin or I’m not listening… there’s bound to be a breakthrough at some point.  And if He is silent, when He does speak, I’ll be listening and ready.

Reevaluating the New Year

So.  I had no ‘new years’ post.  I don’t think I post most of the normal times every one else does… but I BWO (blog without obligation) and I wasn’t ready to share.

Not that I’m now ready in the sense I have it all figured out.  But I am ready to share some of my thought process.  I have realized I am in a very scattered time of life.  And am accepting of that, but at the same time still seeking to find those quiet moments of oasis and reflection and prayer amidst it all.  Getting up early only works so well when you don’t always get a good night sleep and the majority of the time, the kids suddenly start waking up earlier, pushing your “wake up early” to a “wake up when its still night” time.  IF you really want that moment of quiet.

Back to the reevaluating.  Having read many of what others are saying, I have been inspired in a few things:

1. One change at a time, and CONTINUE evaluating… it shouldn’t be a JAN 1 thing only.
2. Ask God for a word for the year.  I think mine is ‘peace’ and until further notice from the One who matters, I am going with it.  So I am looking up Scriptures, and meditating on all that means, could mean, should mean, etc. to me.  To our family.
3. I am taking this to our family.  As a family… (these are fun things to do with a 5 and 9 year old, distracted by the 20 month old)… we are listening.  Practicing listening prayer.   2 or 3 times a week.  Its not fantastic.  Sometimes it seems like a waste of time.  Sometimes its frustrating.  Now and then, it seems maybe we were actually listening.  And sometimes God speaks.  And its all worth it.
4. And my own wisdom for me Have low expectations about everything except for God and His Grace.  And that includes the expectations of what I think that will look like!!

So this new year has begun, amidst games and projects and a crazy birthday party, with more quiet times, more cuddles and loving, and more early mornings.  This is all I am looking for this month.

Maybe I’ll reevaluate monthly.

The holiday season and what we are ‘doing’

Or I should say PLANNING on doing… since we all know just because we SAY it, doesn’t mean it will actually happen!

We have started “The Glorious Coming” by Ann Voskamp again this year, hanging the matching ornaments in the sun room on an extra tree we borrowed.  Sometime here, we might try something different, but it really works well for us, and without researching I haven’t seen anything else I like too much.

We have a calendar with service type acts inside… I just tried to think up enough service projects / themes for each day through December, and wrote them on bits of paper to stick in each pocket.  Simple things like “love on Dad” day, and “write a letter to the grandparents” day, and “take a box of food to the Food Bank” and tomorrow’s project, “drop a surprise meal off at someone’s house”… most are smaller things, not making extra meals, etc… but still.  So far its good…

Our church’s themes this year are the “Three Gifts”.  What? you say.. but there are four Sundays!!!  mmm…. its a surprise… you have to come on the last Sunday to find out what the fourth gift was!!   Just kidding, no church people read this.  Worship is the last one… So far, its been good.  We have celebrated Jesus as King (gold), this week is Jesus as priest (Frankinsence) and the third will be Jesus the suffering servant – or something like that (myrrh)… and they all bowed down and worshipped… a gift we too can give  Jesus.

Good night!  I must try to get a little song and order started for Sunday, since it is already late Friday night.  I’m not sure if I’m fortunate or not that my pastor does things last minute… we don’t really help each other out in the ‘last minute’ department!!

God is so GOOD

This evening I prayed with my dear friend Keren before home church started… We just had abotu 20 minutes, and I wasn’t sure if God could really reveal much and how deep we could go in 20 minutes And He DID!!

I’ll back up.  I read a book called “Theophostic Prayer”.  written by a southern Baptist, I believe, it is all about mind renewal… allowing God to take us back to those places where we have embraced a lie, and then EXPERIENCING his truth.  (as opposed to logically KNOWING the truth, and telling yourself the truth over and over, and it still doesn’t seem to stick)  That is a very loos recap of what stuck out to me the most.

I gave the book to my friend, she asked me to pray with her.  I really was not feeling up to it.  At all!!  I had a bad… BAD day.  Yelling at children, tired and grumpy and wanting to just go to bed and cry but needing to be ‘together’ enough to cook dinner and dessert and host home church… And God used me to sit with her while HE spoke to her and revealed himself in one of her sore spots… the healing has begun… PRAISE JESUS!!!

This is not the only book that explains this… there was one out by the Navigators as well, on healing prayer, and there are others.  Its not new… its in the Scripture!!  Be transformed by lots of hard work and telling yourself truth over and over… the renewing of your mind…

blah blah… time for bed… not being coherent here… but check out this book, or something like it… truly God can and will heal us from the lies we struggle against in our mind.

Every day, I plan to:

Edited to take out gobbly-goo nonsense at the top… sorry if you missed it!

Bryan and I are thinking about our goals for our family… our day, whether it be a home school day or not.  Really the biggest problem for us is me.  So maybe our first goal… my first goal… should be me… I didn’t put a whole lot of thought into this… just this afternoon while I should be doing math with the boys and the baby is sleeping!   Inspired by Anne at Mozart and Mudpies…

Every day, I plan to:

inspire my spirit with…

· Scripture and worship (at the piano if possible, with CD if not)

energize my body by…

· a walk outside (even though its cold) or a ride on the indoor bike

challenge my mind through…

· reading a chapter of a classic book.

feed my craving for beauty with…

· Classical music, getting dressed with a bit of make-up – this seems shallow and simplistic, but…

bring peace and comfort to my home by…

· smiling at and hugging my children

take simple pleasure in…

· each child’s uniqueness, one cleaning/organizing/ kitchen activity, from beginining to end

remember my cheerful heart by…

· saying something thankful to God around each family gathering

and at the end of the day,

I’ll give thanks to God and soothe any weariness with…

· a face wash and a tooth brush, bath or shower and a moisturize – again… simplistic and shallow, but little things I skip when I’m too tired.